How to recognize an alcoholic's manipulation?
The easiest way to recognize an alcoholic's manipulation is to understand the mechanism of illusion and denial. By systematically using this behavior pattern, the addicted person manipulates people from their closest circle, without making others fully aware of the alcohol problem. The alcoholic quite often believes his own lies, so deceiving others comes easily to him. He thinks that addiction doesn't affect him and that he can stop at any time. He justifies himself, lies, and manipulates reality and facts. This system works periodically and affects the behavior not only of the drinking person, but also of everyone who has close contact with them.Mechanism of illusion and denial:
- Simple denial – the alcoholic denies even obvious facts. He often does this unconsciously, saying for example: "I didn't drink anything" even though he is under the influence of alcohol.
- Rationalization – after consuming alcohol, the search for rational reasons for reaching for a drink begins. He tries to justify himself by saying: "I need to relax" or "today I can drink because I got a promotion at work."
- Minimization – the person suffering from alcoholism admits to consuming ethyl alcohol, but doesn't tell the truth about the amount. When talking about alcohol, he also uses diminutives, e.g., vodka-poo, wine-y, beer-y.
- Blaming others – the manipulating alcoholic tries to shift responsibility for his own addiction onto another person.
- Diversion – the topic is changed every time a conversation about alcohol disease and the alcoholic's manipulation begins.
- Fantasy planning – the alcoholic lives in his own world of thoughts and dreams. He is convinced that he will still have time to change everything. These thoughts make him so happy that he may reach for a drink again for this very reason.
- Romanticizing memories – the person abusing alcoholic beverages remembers only positive moments associated with drinking. Quite often, such pleasant memories from the past don't match the facts.
What does the wife of a manipulating alcoholic feel?
Living with an addicted person causes many negative consequences of this disease. Unpleasant emotional states affect every family member, and their repair requires long-term treatment. This can be called codependency. A codependent person lives the life of their partner and suffers because of it. They take on all the emotions and feelings of their husband, abandon their own dreams. They adapt to his lifestyle and drinking rhythm. It's very difficult to clearly define the feelings of wives of alcoholics. They feel anger, rage, anxiety, guilt, and helplessness. Quite often they hide alcoholism in the family from others and allow themselves to be manipulated. They buy alcohol for their husband, pay debts, perform part of his duties, take care of the partner's hygiene and appearance. They may do this for the good of the children or in hope of a better future. Usually the wife of an alcoholic takes on all responsibility for maintaining the home and raising the children. In this way, she often leads herself to psychological exhaustion. In the case of alcohol disease, help is needed not only by the alcoholic, but also by his closest person. Read also: Divorce from an alcoholic? – alcoholism as grounds for divorceAlcoholic's manipulations – how to deal with this?
First of all, you need to understand that lies from the addicted partner are not intentional. Alcoholism is a disease that takes control of the mind and emotional state and feelings of the sick alcoholic. The most effective method in fighting an alcoholic's manipulations is honesty. It's worth focusing on open conversations about emotions, feelings, thoughts, and facts. Life with an alcoholic brings many negative emotions. Fortunately, there are ways to treat addictions. To help an addicted person, they must want to get rid of the addiction. Once they become aware of their own problem and decide to seek treatment, therapy can begin. Self-denial of the alcoholic, as well as his wife, will ensure that sobriety and peace in the family become everyday life again.Where to seek help for a manipulating alcoholic husband?
Psychological support and comprehensive treatment – this is the best solution for a manipulating alcoholic. You can seek help at a public or private addiction therapy center. The best solution for both the addicted and codependent person will be family therapy. It will help not only find the causes of alcoholism and the disorder of the manipulating alcoholic, but also help solve family problems caused by alcohol abuse. Conversations with an addiction therapist can continue until the alcoholic finds enough strength to fight the addiction independently. See: How should the wife of an alcoholic behave? During this time, the wife of an alcoholic should support her husband after making the decision regarding alcoholism treatment. She must understand that this will be a very long and difficult process, but the result will be worth the effort. With an alcoholic's manipulations, as with other consequences of drinking, you can cope, but it requires time and perseverance.:::cta Need help fighting addiction? Our specialists are ready to help you. Call or schedule an online appointment. Call: 880 808 880 | Schedule appointment :::
